I am feeling ill

because we got this new hand soap and it has a really strong scent and i am very sensitive to smells. Sigh.

I joined creative writing club today. It was pretty neat. Maybe a bit over my head as i am a closet-writer. Ah well.

And I am still waiting to be asked to homecoming. Chances are becoming more and more slim as the days go by...

Morning

Today is a good day. Or - at least, it is shaping up to be a good day. Actually, my day started off talking to one of my best buds on the phone for over an hour, 11-12 something. And it was a very good conversation, so it made me happy. Very happy. Even though, really, I was too tired to be happy.

And secondly, I don't have too much homework, which is amazing. Because i work/volunteer at the horse place for 5 hours every Sunday, which doesn't leave a lot of time. But i get a lot of horse time in, which is yayyyy.

Thirdly, my cat is sleeping on my lap, which is just a good thing.

Fourth, I'm about to go check out this cute little dress store for a homecoming dress. With one of my best pals, which will be so fun.

And fifth, I'm going, well, kind of going to a party tonight. Really, I'm chilling at the house where the party is happening, without really being invited to the party. But it will still be fun. We're going to bake a cake.

Hopefully everyone else is having a good day too.

Are you?

I have

4 followers. This is huge for me.

AND non-eye contact guy - yeah. he made eye contact with me. I was like.... JOLTED with a zillion volts of electric blue. It was amazing.

But then again, it did make me so dizzy that I nearly asked him to homecoming... YIKES.

I must gird my loins more carefully.

How was your week, you four awesome followers?

Ugh

I was/am sick today, which means i felt like crap, and thus was not very observant, and thus never saw the guy i spoke about in the last post. Which is kind of a bummer.

And now I'm going to bed to get my full 8 hours and wake up refreshed, etc. I know this was a crappy update, but i just wanted to let you know I've not forgotten you!

And Charlie- it would be totally cool to follow my&dan's other blog. He would get a kick out of it. AND I miss commenting you. D:

i'm sorry

but i'm in love with your brother.
yeah, i know how it didn't exactly work out last time, but today was different.
i've never really talked to him, not that today was a big heart to heart, but at least he wasn't saying "yeah, she's home. i'll go get her." on the phone.
and watching him today, watching him feel so dejected, so frustrated that he couldn't play with all of them, it really struck a cord. and watching him talk to the little kids, it was really sweet.
i guess i never really saw that side of him, and when i saw him up close today, i realized it was the first time i've really seen his face. and i'm sorry that i used to say he looked like you, but now that i've seen him up close, i know you guys look nothing alike.
i might not let on about it for a while, maybe i'll keep poking fun at him and the fact he's always on his xbox. but you can be sure as hell, that i am going to be over at your house like every day.

For sure.

CHECK IT OUT

new blog. it's in my profile or however you find other people's blogs.

yes, it is the dan & i blog.

i know. it's totally crazy that it worked out.


<3
jess

You've done it again Charlie - or - Eye contact

Gone and inspired me (again). Thanks.

Dear perfect-guy-who-doesn't-make-eye-contact,

Did you know I'm infatuated with you? Because I am.
I went and bought an Ella Fitzgerald song after you got all excited about her name being on the whiteboard, and when i asked why you were so excited, you replied that she is was the most amazing jazz singer of all time? Lullaby of Birdland. I think we could probably dance to it at our wedding. It's got a nice beat to it. You made me look at jazz through nonjudgmental eyes. Thank you.

And do you have any clue how thrilled I was when you didn't raise your hand at camp, when the editor asked who had a significant other? Very thrilled.

But you are so... Shy? I'm not sure the word. You're quiet, but not in a withdrawn way, but an observant way. Like you're thinking, "I should take everything in, with no distractions". But you never make eye contact, and when you do, when we're talking and i glance at you out of the corner of my eye, and you are looking at me, it's awesome. Not like "Wooooooaaaah, aaaaawwweeeesommme duuuuude!" but like, the Grand Canyon awesome.

And the best part is, there i a light at the end of this tunnel. This is nothing like the holes I've dug for myself before, there is a chance at something with you. For the first time, something really might work out.

How absolutely crazy is that?

Lucky you

I'm in a double posting mood today. But if this turns out, it should be a pretty deep post. This is about self reflection. This is about letting go. This is about holding on. This is about me.

It's a bit like a reintroduction, with less sarcasm and more actuality.

I'm Jessica. I'm 16, and I'm a sophomore in high school. I'm a B- student, with the potential to be a B+ student if I worried less about looking cool. I live with my mom, dad and brother in a pretty nice house. We're a middle class family with enough to enjoy ourselves. We go on vacations every year to fun places, and I spend the majority of the time acting like I'm too cool to really enjoy it.

I have tons of friends, and I make more very easily. I am a people person. I love people in general. I want to know everything about them, I want to know what they're thinking at any moment. Do they all have the same thoughts that I do? Do they sit there in class and wonder if anyone else is wondering about what everyone else is thinking? I wonder why I scare people. I'm not as big and scary as I like to joke about. I'm really pretty laid back. I like to think of myself as someone you would want to know.

I can keep secrets, and I always feel so inexplicably touched when people trust me enough to share theirs with me. I love telling my secrets, the ones about me. I don't know why, but I always love it, the rush of putting yourself out there for people to criticize and judge. Maybe that is why I want to write for a living so much. I wish people would ask me about myself more. And I really wish that when they did, they really wanted to know.

I love having the kind of conversation that last for hours, and when it ends, I still feel like we could talk for hours more. But I never seem to have those with the people I really want to. Sure, having a heart to heart with my girl friends is amazing, but what about the person that I can't get out of your head? The one who I want to tell your secrets to the most. The one who I want to hear them and choose not to judge me, but to accept me for what I am.

I obsess over things. Books and movies are the usual suspects, but from time to time, a guy comes along that I put all of my energy and effort into. It never works out. I always end up annoying my friends and getting a whole lot of nothing.

Thats not all of me. Thats not half. Mom just asked me if I want to go to the zoo. So I have better plans now.

Sorry

that I have dropped the ball lately. But two things have happened.

1. I started high school,and actually have a life now. And homework.
2. I went to my first ever high school football game. (AND WE WON!!)

So my life has been pretty busy lately.

Oh, and I forgot numba three.
3. My parents now allow my half an hour of computer time a night. No matter how many papers I have to type, how many issues i have to research, etc.

So yeah. It's hard for me to use my little time for anything other than school, but i will try. Promise.

But school has been good. No terrible teachers or weird classes. It's been pretty normal.

So I'll try to get back on here tomorrow, but if not, you now know why. It's not because I don't love you. Blame my parents.

today was better

much better.

Because i went to lunch with some of my pals, and they made me get a burger that wasn't normal. Because i always get a normal one. so i got a bacon cheeseburger, minus the cheese and mayo. I love Red Robin.

And then we went back to my friend's house and i dug in her front yard, and we used her garden claw as a javelin.

and none of this will make sense. but i am happy again.

that should make sense. And school starts tomorrow. Woot.