Lucky you

I'm in a double posting mood today. But if this turns out, it should be a pretty deep post. This is about self reflection. This is about letting go. This is about holding on. This is about me.

It's a bit like a reintroduction, with less sarcasm and more actuality.

I'm Jessica. I'm 16, and I'm a sophomore in high school. I'm a B- student, with the potential to be a B+ student if I worried less about looking cool. I live with my mom, dad and brother in a pretty nice house. We're a middle class family with enough to enjoy ourselves. We go on vacations every year to fun places, and I spend the majority of the time acting like I'm too cool to really enjoy it.

I have tons of friends, and I make more very easily. I am a people person. I love people in general. I want to know everything about them, I want to know what they're thinking at any moment. Do they all have the same thoughts that I do? Do they sit there in class and wonder if anyone else is wondering about what everyone else is thinking? I wonder why I scare people. I'm not as big and scary as I like to joke about. I'm really pretty laid back. I like to think of myself as someone you would want to know.

I can keep secrets, and I always feel so inexplicably touched when people trust me enough to share theirs with me. I love telling my secrets, the ones about me. I don't know why, but I always love it, the rush of putting yourself out there for people to criticize and judge. Maybe that is why I want to write for a living so much. I wish people would ask me about myself more. And I really wish that when they did, they really wanted to know.

I love having the kind of conversation that last for hours, and when it ends, I still feel like we could talk for hours more. But I never seem to have those with the people I really want to. Sure, having a heart to heart with my girl friends is amazing, but what about the person that I can't get out of your head? The one who I want to tell your secrets to the most. The one who I want to hear them and choose not to judge me, but to accept me for what I am.

I obsess over things. Books and movies are the usual suspects, but from time to time, a guy comes along that I put all of my energy and effort into. It never works out. I always end up annoying my friends and getting a whole lot of nothing.

Thats not all of me. Thats not half. Mom just asked me if I want to go to the zoo. So I have better plans now.