why?

why is it that right when i get my life on track, right when I'm about to start something new and exciting, one of the only constants in my life decides to drop a bomb? right when i feel so good about myself...

and why is that bomb something that hurts me so much?

and why did this constant have to do it now? my life was just going back to a place where i was happy. and it might be hard to believe, but I'm not happy a whole lot.

and why was it THIS constant? the one who's opinion i regard so highly, the one who i go to unfathomable lengths to impress?

why?

(and no, this is not guy trouble.)

SHOPPING!!!!1!!!!!1!!!11!!!!

SO I went back to school shopping with my mom today. And got my hair cut.

Haircut first. The lady who did it was very nice, we talked about dogs the whole time, and i ended up getting less done than i had expected. But i have side bangs again, they're cool.

And shopping. I love going to the mall and seeing all the guys and thinking, wow, I can actually go out with them because I am in high school too. Really, that's what I think. And I got a bunch of new clothes, mostly basics i can mix and match with. Mom is cool to shop with, because I'm not girly, and she is, so we even each other out. My friends are always happy when i shop with my mom, because then I get 'girl clothes'.

Sorry it was kind of dull. I'm going to the fair tomorrow, so that'll be SUPER FUN!! Seriously, I'm so excited.

Lets talk about something rather serious.

To me, at least.

So the 25th was my back to school fair. Which isn't at all fair-like. Just a lot of paperwork. And the cool kids from the Medival club. Neat.

But I was looking forward to this because I'm the kind of person who doesn't really get together with people very often. I love hanging out with people, I love it. But people usually think I don't. Because I don't like going out much.

Now, that sounds creepy, like I'm a scary little hermit. But I just like being at home, or someone else's home. I just don't need to go out and spend money to have a good time. But I do like going to parks. That's fun. And free.

But so I was excited about reconnecting with all my pals, but the thing is, they didn't seem to be as enthusiastic as me. And, like always, I was on the outside of the circle. Literally. And I guesss that they'd all hung out this summer. Me, not so much.

So I'm a bit bummed. But I bet things will go back to the way they were as soon as we all see eachother again. Which means i'll be awkward and on the outside, like always. Ah well.

I are 16

It's not very different from 15 yet.

BUT I am now the proud owner of a JVC Everio Hard Disk Camcorder.


And my party is today, so that will be awesome. But I get to go do horse stuff first. Hopefully Cowboy will behave himself and I will have nothing but good things to say about him at said party....

And Jonathan (hope I spelled it right...) thanks for praying for me, it's probably a good thing to have the big guy on your side.

Happy birthday to me.....
And Rupert Grint, aka Ron of Harry Potter. Cool, huh?

Religious peoples

don't be offended by what I'm about to say. (I hate saying that because chances are, you'll still be offended)

I love that you are being all supportive and saying "Give it a try." or "Try it again." But I'm done with that point in my life. I was SUPER religious growing up, and I used to really enjoy the whole thing, but now, to tell you the truth, I find it dull. And rather pointless.

THIS IS MY OPINION, it's not right or wrong.

I'm just tired of the whole buisness. Maybe I'll have some sort of huge disaster occur in my life and I'll go back to it, but until then. I really have no need. I'm loving my life the way it is.

I've been inspired... Again

by Charlie. And I'm also listening to Kate Nash's 'Mouthwash' which is just inspiring on it's own.

But this post's title should be "Let's Talk About The First Day Of School" because it is a topic that has a thousand opinions tied up in it.

Okay, so I am one of the people who LOVES the first day of school. I don't really hang out with my school friends during the summer, so I get to see all of them again, which is awesome. Except that they've all gone off to somewhere fabulous and lost a trillion pounds and gotten their hair done and gone through at least two boyfriends. The conversation usually goes like this:
Me: Hey ____! God, you look amazing!
Friend: Haha, thanks Jess, you look just like you always do, you never seem to change.
Me: Oh, uh. Yeah. What did you do over break?
Friend: Oh, jeez, what didn't I do? I was in Hawaii for like, three weeks, that was amazing, I met this guy and then I went to Europe, got back three days ago and.... Well, what did you do?
Me: I uh.... Beat three bosses in Zelda in one week. And then I attempted to work on one of my novels, the sci-fi one, but didn't get very far. I went to Montana and got to work on a ranch for a while, that was cool.
Friend: Um, yeah, sure. Oh, I see ________, catch up with you later.

And then I go hang out with the awesome band geeks who love me.

I'm not the biggest shopper, so back to school clothes shopping is never on the top of my list. But every year I attempt to reinvent myself, and always end up falling back to the good old jeans and a t shirt look. Some people come back looking like they hired a stylist and wardrobe crew. And I just look like my mom dragged me to the mall.

But I also like getting my schedule, and checking to see who's in my classes. I love it when there's only like, one obscure friend in a class. It gives me a chance to branch out.

I also see where people who hate the first day are coming from. Everyone judges you, and it doesn't matter if you're the prom queen of the lowest band geek, every one's going to be eying you, making sure you didn't make a drastic change over the summer and get beautiful, or go the opposite way. Girls scope out the guys from last year, see if they grew out of the block head stage they were in last year, and guy, well. I don't know what guys do. I'm not one.

And all the while, you're trying to decide what you want to be this year. Do you want to branch out so far you're in a totally new group? Do you want to hang back with all your old friends? Are you going to go out for that club, or try out for that play? Are you going to sit in the front, or the back? Be teacher's pet or class clown? And the tricky thing is, everyone else is also trying to figure out what they want to be, and at the same time, they are trying to figure out what everyone else wants to be.

And really, all you have is the first week before you're stuck as whatever they label you. Sure, you can be all "I don't have a label, I'm just me." But chances are, they'll make a label for you, like "That kid who doesn't have a label."

And of course, on top of all of that, you have to deal with actual school work. Because we ARE talking about school here. So you have to deal with teachers who may or may not hate you for no reason.

But that's a different topic. Teachers are a different breed of people.

Lets talk about birthdays.

(This post isn't as suckish as the past ones have been. Give me a few days and I'll be good as new!)

No, don't worry, you haven't forgotten m birthday, that's coming up on the 24th.

But I was thinking about them, and I thought I'd share my thoughts with you. Because that's how this whole 'blogging' thing works.

So, birthdays happen once a year, and that's cool with me. It's kind of like Christmas, how you wait all year and then get a heap of stuff and some happy, religious music. Only, on your birthday, your little brother doesn't also get stuff. (Except when I turned 9 and got really big presents, so my grandparents got my little bro stuff too so he wouldn't be jealous. I was mad.)It's YOUR day. Which is cool.

But, it is also like Christmas in another way. You wait and wait for it, and then, BAM, it's over. And if you're like me, you never really feel older on your birthday. Looking back now, I go "Wow, I sure am older than I was then." But on the actual day, I just feel the same.

A friend of mine recently turned 16, and when I asked "How do yo feel, now that you're 16?" they replied "I feel older. 15 felt young."

Now, this is an opinion, yes, but I can't quite understand how one just feeeeeeeeeels older.

I feel older every time my hips do something funny, and I have to wait to regain movement in my legs. I believe this happens because I have a calcium deficiency and my body hates me. And yes, mother is going to make me see a doctor eventually.

Don't even get me started about what my knees do...

I smell

like wet horse. And it's not as bad as wet dog, but it still sucks.

Because the girl I worked with today at the horse place, she got to give the horse a bath, which meant that I did all the washing, and she got to giggle and spray me with the hose a bit.

And so I'd be brushing him, and reach up to smooth down his hair, and BAM! my hand is covered in white hair. Just COVERED. Ugh. But it was OK, because he's a sweet horse. And then I had to pick his feet, so i leaned against him so he would shift his weight, forgetting that he was wet. That was great. Like getting your shoes soaked, and feeling the water squish up through your toes everytime you take a step, only he was the shoe, my shirt was the sock, and I was the foot. And the best part is that he has FOUR FEET! so I got soaked EVERY TIME! Yay!

And then I wandered around the barn and gave everyone carrots. And one of the horses threw a fit because i only gave her one. And I had to bribe her into being quite by shoving two more carrots into her stall.

This update wasn't amazing, but charlie hasn't posted yet, so I don't have any inspiration.

Uuuuuuhhhhhmmmmmm....

I messed around with my relationship status on facebook to see how people reacted, and everyone was a bit freaked out. I got a few emails and comments, etc. asking me why I hadn't told people about my boyfriend.

That was funny. And surprising, because I hadn't thought that people would actually believe I had a boyfriend. Hmm... Interesting.

I'll get inspiration soon. Promise.

Just a quick... Thing. Dan et moi are planning a co-blog. So be watching for updates on how that's working out. The only big problem so far, is that I am an 'every day onliner', and he is an 'every few days onliner'. This irks me slightly. Just slightly.

Ugh

I realized I forgot to update about horse stuff on Thursday. It was rather dull, I side walked with a new girl and horse, so that was interesting. BUT...

Q IS BACK!!!!

And her lovely british accent is as lovely as ever. And she was nice to me, and it was just AWESOME.

I have to go do horse stuff again in... half an hour. So I'm gonna go finish watching j0ames's videos and I'll update or post or something later.

So

I'm sitting her and thinking "I haven't posted a blog today. Something feels amiss." So I thought I would post one.

Today I went on a bit of a road trip and met my cousins halfway to pick up my grandma. I don't see these cousins often, and they are my only "real" aka 1st, cousins.

The oldest is only about a year older than me, and she and I are probably the closest of any of the kids in our family.

I have a sense this is going to get boring, really fast.

SO ANYWAYS-

I'm sitting here, eating tuna, like, from a can, and I think it's rather dry. I don't know why I think this. All I know is that I want ice cream, bad.


MY GOODNESS, what am I ON? This post was horrible. A total Filler post. I'll make it up to you soonish.

<3

If

you have an intrest in obtaining my (jess's) hand in marriage at some point in the future, near or far, you should watch these videos. Because if you don't our holy union could be DOOMED for FAILURE. (If you have a hard time paying attention to anything serious for more than five minutes, watch the same two clips, with commentary, lower down in the post. I watched the second pair, because I am speical.)

Seriously, watch the second pair.



And then part two...



If, after these videos, you realize that YES! We ARE ready for marriage, there is something wrong with you. I'm not even 16 yet. DID YOU SEE THE Age when married' graph for women. Married at 15 was like FAILURE.

And if, after these videos, you say, "Gee wiz, I didn't realize that Jess and I were so un-ready for marriage!" then, HOORAY!

And for all you lovely ADD kiddies who want to get hitched, here are the clips for you.

ONE...


TWO...

My cat

is such a tease.

She's all "PET ME! PET ME!" and so I'm all "Awww, hey kitty!" and she's like "Ooooh, nevermind, I'm going to run a short distance away to make you chase me!" And i'm all

"Fat chance, kitty."

Sorry

Sorry today's post was slightly sub-par. If I had more time, I'd have made it TONS better. IT's a bit too listy for me.

Ah well, I have a really interesting idea coming up this week. MY brother is actually counting to 30 expecting me to get off.
Sweet.
Not.

Well, I'll get a real, awesome post out soonish. HOPEFULLY.

lol, he's gonna play Maple Story. How girly. "OMG MY LEVEL 21 JUST GOT PWND BY A SNAIL!!!!"

Tragic, bro, truly tragic.

My mommy

is having a freak out.

Because I haven't done the dishes yet. And the roofer is coming over.

ZOMG HE'LL JUDGE US!?!?!?!

Lets talk about something stupid

AKA banned books.

I have a little under an hour to kill, so I thought I would express my opinions on the topic. (Thanks to Charlie for inspiring me. AGAIN.)

So let me begin with saying: I am a reader. It is something I enjoy doing, and something that I spend most of my time doing. I read all different genres, and all different authors. I have so many books that they take up 2+ floor to ceiling bookshelves, and that isn't even all of them. I don't even want to guess at how many books I've read.

But I remember back in elementary, our school librarian explained to us what a banned book is. I was of course, disgusted because Winnie The Pooh was on that list. I was horrified at the fact that grown ups couldn't like a book just because it was about stuffed animals that talked. How could anyone be so thick-headed?

A Google search found me a page of the 11 most frequently challenged books 1990-2000, and I thought I'd go through some of them that I am familiar with.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain, is a book I read a shortened version of in maybe... 4th grade. I thought it was a fun story, lots of adventure. It taught some values, a thing which many books now seem to forget to do.

Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling. This series has been challenged since the day it came out. Witchcraft is of course a touchy subject with the religious set, but in truth, Rowling did not create the series to teach young adults that they should attempt to become a witch or wizard themselves.

The Giver by Lois Lowry is one of the most intriguing books I believe I have ever read. It was one of those books that really makes you think, that makes you say, 'would I have done the same thing ___ did?' I found the book very inspiring.

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger is a book I am familiar with, but have not yet read. I plan to change that soon.

The Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine was a staple to every boy in my class from 3rd grade to 6th grade. I could never read them because I was a scardy cat, and they gave me nightmares. They were fun books that gave you chills, but often, you were just left laughing at the stupidity of the situations the characters got themselves into.

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle, is possibly one of my favorite books. I attempted to read the rest of the series, but was never as impressed. I would stick this book with The Giver, and call it a book that inspired me and made me think on another level.

Go Ask Alice by Anonymous is a book I could never get my hands onto. In 7th grade, a girl discovered it in our school library, and word got around that it was a pretty cool (as in dirty and drug filled) book. Of course, every girl HAD to read it, and I could never get it for myself.

Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George just adds to the list of inspiring books that made me think. As an animals lover, I loved the idea of a girl being able to find her place among a wolf pack. I cried when things went wrong, and cheered when something positive happened. I was very emotionally attached to the characters, either with two legs or four.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. My 6th grade teacher showed us this movie, in all it's black and white glory, and I was enthralled. Of course, it took over three days to watch because we had to get all of our other subjects in. But I have not yet managed to read the book. Like The Catcher in the Rye, I plan to change this.

A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein. I first experienced this book in the torn and tattered form that my mother had held onto for ages. I loved all of his witting, thought provoking, humorous poetry. I could never seem to figure why people would dislike it.

James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl. The movie scared me when I was 8, and I never got around to reading the book. Maybe I should...

Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson was a book recommended to me by my grandmother. It is possibly one of the first books that made me cry openly. I was very deeply wrapped up in the characters and found this book stunning.

Another book that made me think was The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney. In 5th grade, a friend of mine discovered it in the library, and being as she was the most popular girl in our class, EVERYONE had to read it. Of course, it did make me think I had been abducted for about a day or two...

Lord of the Flies by William Golding. My brother, 12, read this book last year for class. He said it was very interesting, and now I find that I will have to also find a copy of this book. Well I guess that's a good thing being as I don't own any books I haven't read, I need some more.

Where's Waldo? by Martin Hanford. Now, pardon my french but, WHAT THE HELL? WHAT'S WRONG WITH WHERE'S WALDO?!>!@>@!>@$!!>~>?~?~?

(for the full list, see http://www.ala.org/ala/oif/bannedbooksweek/bbwlinks/100mostfrequently.cfm )

Another bit of information is that the "2009 Banned Books Week will be held on September 26–October 3". (ALA) "BBW celebrates the freedom to choose or the freedom to express one’s opinion even if that opinion might be considered unorthodox or unpopular and stresses the importance of ensuring the availability of those unorthodox or unpopular viewpoints to all who wish to read them. After all, intellectual freedom can exist only where these two essential conditions are met."
More information at http://www.ala.org/ala/oif/bannedbooksweek/bannedbooksweek.cfm

So, in summary, I believe that no books should be banned based on content, or whatever. Books are written to be read. If you dislike a book, DON'T READ IT. You don't have to go and ruin it for everyone else.

This topic irks me to no end. Why ban books? ARGHHH.

Oooh, my timing was excellent. only 10 minutes to go. Sweet.

<3

WOOOOAAH, double posting.

Well, I had more to say, but it doesn't relate to that last post. But if I had giving this post an actual title, it would have been "Lets talk about this OTHER amazing guy at J-camp" because I am shallow, and always has a fallback option.

And there shall be no name used in this post, because THIS guy actually goes to my school. And he will be writing on the paper with me. And there is a chance that at some point, people from the paper WILL SEE this blog. And well, I'm going to try to make this one actually work. As in a thing between me & the guy. Who we shall calllll........ MG. Because I just thought about what we should call him for a loooong time, and got nothing. (MG like mystery guy. Clever, I know)

This is probably going to look bad, after being like "zomg dan iz so k00l!!1!" and now being like "MG is such a great guy." But i don't feel like getting into details, but believe me, I am justified in everything. SO DON'T JUDGE ME.

So lets see... There isn't a heck of a lot to say about MG. He's really pretty quiet, not like shy, just quiet. And occasionally I would have a really interesting conversation with him, and I would be like "Woah, this guy is crazy smart." Because he is/was. And after a bit of asking around my friends, I have found that they all think he is a really sweet, genuine guy. Which I think would be good for me. I think if anything happened, it could be a pretty low drama kind of relationship.

I know, I know, no relationship is low drama. But a girl can hope, right? And he just doesn't seem like the type of guy that would cause drama. He's a year older than me, and a year about me, grade-wise. So chances are, I wouldn't have to deal with any of my 'close' friends also being interested in him. (God, I sound really sad and pathetic again. Ug.)

And to top off the list of smart, genuine, sweet guy, he is devastatingly good looking. Almost in a... Rugged movie star kind of way. And the fact that he was always willing to have a conversation with me is pretty cool too. Because lots of people find me... Frighteningly outgoing, and I scare them. A friend of mine actually told me that I was no longer allowed to talk to one of her friends because I scare her so badly. I felt pretty bad when she told me, because I just thought I was being nice.

In a way, I'm kind of like a really big puppy. One that doesn't realize it is too big to sit on your lap. Th kind of puppy that you get when its tiny and then by the end of the first months it's over a foot taller and you think "Oh god what have you gotten yourself into?" I'm the kind of puppy that doesn't realize that I will probably hurt you while playing. All I know is that I'm being nice and playing the way I would with other puppies (otherwise known as outgoing people like me).

But back to the subject at hand- He didn't seem to mind that I was just a big, outgoing puppy. Which was cool, because I have a feeling (and people have told me this many times) that I scare guys away. I won't go into my man-catching techniques, because they are top secret and dangerous to those who can't handle them correctly. But I use a lot of sarcastic humor, which, even alone, is pretty scary. Couple that with hormones and "feeeeeeeeeeelings" and it's deadly.

Well there was my first post on MG. Hopefully you'll hear more positive things about him in the coming weeks.

Hopefully.

No title fits this post

Because it is a very strange post.

So yesterday, I was at an author event/concert, and there was a point (like, an hour) where I was standing in line with my friends to get my book signed. And while we were in line, obviously we were talking. And apart from asking every random person around us "Hey, what would you and a buddy do?" I was trying to tell them about journalism camp, but really, I have found that if you didn't go, it just isn't as interesting. So no one but my mom took real interest. Which is sad. But hey, I accept it.

But so in between me saying things like "But wait, it gets more interesting when we start talking about the different type of leads!" (I have learned that if you aren't a journalist, you aren't interested in the different type of leads.) I remembered something I saw on spring break in San Fransisco, and I thought I would share it with you. It was one of those times where you really, really wonder if there is a hidden camera, because it is just that stupid.

So my parents wanted to make sure that we were the most touristy tourists to ever visit San Fran, and so we HAD to ride the trolley. And so we took it from one end aaaaalllll the way to the other, and ended up right at this three story Forever 21. But I was broke at this point, so no shopping happened.

And we decided to wait until the next trolley came to get on and go back, so we could look around the downtown area. And of course, when you are in a strange city, what do you do? Find their Coldstone. Duh. So we did, but it was about a million degrees in there (crazy, right? it's an ICE CREAM PLACE!) and i really didn't want to wait in the mile long line in the heat, so i waited outside.

And here is where the stupidity starts. I'm leaning against the front window of coldstone, trying to look like a native, and this... older teenage couple, maybe early 20's, were standing across the sidewalk from me. And it was very obvious they had been arguing. She looked pissed off, and he looked confused. And so as I'm standing there she goes, "Like, when we went to your house last night?! We did nothing." and he still looks confused and says, "What do you mean we did nothing? We always do stuff." And the girl glares at him and says, "PLAYING VIDEO GAMES IS NOT MY IDEA OF STUFF." and then she continues yelling at him for about 5 minutes, while he just keeps trying to hug her, and she keeps spitting at him. Seriously. I was like, WTF?!

And so after she calms down a bit, she stops spitting at him, and just starts spitting on the ground. And then she accidentally spits on her shoe. And I was like 'Here we go again...' because she BLOWS UP when he pulls a (who the hell still has these) handkerchief out of his pocket and goes to clean off her shoe. How much more whipped can you get, seriously. And of course, she just starts dropping the f bomb left and right, and my little brother just happened to come out at that point, so I had to shoe him back inside.

And after she got all of that rage out, she was just standing there with her face in her hands, possibly crying, though it could have been an act, and the guy goes, "Well, are you coming over tonight?" and she goes, "Yeah, what we gonna do?" And he's like "Play video games?" and he is SERIOUS! I wanted to throw something heavy and possibly sharp at him. Even though I am the type of girl who wouldn't mind just playing video games, she obviously wasn't.

And so she runs off down the street and he chases after here, and this is the last bit of dialog i get is, "We can take a walk!" "Where the hell are we gonna walk?" "We could walk around my apartment. It's big!"

This was where I was like. Hoooooly crap. I must be on candid camera. But I wasn't. It was real. And pathetic. And sad. And I felt bad for him, because she was really probably just PMSing.

Poor guy.

AHA!

I have found inspiration for a new post. THANK YOU CNN!

OK, so I was getting a glass of water in the kitchen, which is sort of conjoined with my living room, and the TV was on. So I think 'Hey, I'm standing here, drinking water, I could watch some TV WHILE I hydrate.' (I know, I am a genius or something.)

And the CNN lady is talking about a recent medical study involving milk. And she was talking about how this medical study had showed that people who drink more milk, and get more vitamin D, are less likely to die.

I am serious, folks.

And then she went on to say that "And people who do not get enough vitamin D (the picture on screen flashes to a list of foods that give you vitamin D) are more likely to die."

What is the world coming to? Now I have to worry, because I don't drink milk. Which means I will eventually die. Now, for all you milk drinkers, this is not an issue, but for me, this is huge. For god's sake, I AM GOING TO EVENTUALLY DIE! OH NO!

I just love moments like this in the media. The ones where you, the average Joe/Jane go "Um, well duh." And I wonder why more people don't look at this, realize that the media, in all truth, is a very imperfect system, and stop relying on it for everything. YOU HAVE EYES, so you can know what looks good, fashion-wise, and what doesn't. YOU HAVE EARS, you don't have to sit around on your butt, watching TV to get updates on everything. Take the chance, and take a risk, and go out there and actually DO something. Experience things first hand. You don't have to rely on word of mouth, you can find things out for yourself.

I shudder to think what the world may someday become. Really, in all seriousness, I see a future in which we do nothing, all day. Everything is digital, we just have to sit still, and instant gratification will be so instant, all you have to do is think, "I wish I had a hamburger," and it will be so instant, you won't have to eat OR digest it, but you will have had the satisfaction of eating and digesting it. A friend and I discussed this while I was at camp, and I think that that is such a sad, pathetic idea of the future. But the way things are going, it could, again- in all seriousness, be the future we are destined for.

UNLESS- we actually start, here and now, going out and doing things for ourselves. Obama coming to your town? Rather than sitting on your butt, and watching him talk on TV, be one of those thousands of people in the crowd, experiencing it first hand, not the cut up version the media will offer the next day.
OR- rather than scoping out dogs Petfinder.com, (I know, it's a hard habit to kick, I'm a total addict)actually GO TO A SHELTER. I know, I know. I am suggesting that you get off your butt and drive the half hour to go look at dogs that you know NOTHING about, and have the possibility of going home petless. BUT you might find the perfect dog, without having read a sad, three paragraph description that really just says "She's sweet and needs some hardcore training!"

If you know me very well, you are probably sitting here, reading this going "What the hall? Jessica does like, nothing. Why is she talking about this?"

BECAUSE I REALIZE I NEED TO HELP MAKE A DIFFERENCE. I don't want my kids to live in a world where they don't get to experience all of the things, good and bad, that I have. I want them to communicate face to face, more than they do through texts or IM or email.

In the fall, I will be writing for a NEWSPAPER, which is like, an endangered species of press. Yeah, I know, it's MEDIA, but it's still a truer form of media. It's not Wikipedia where god knows who can write god knows what. It is an article with an author, stating facts or opinions. If you have a question about it, you can ask them. Of course, I know this isn't true of all papers, or possibly, not of any. But that is how I see it. And I have never been more glad that I can have an opinion, than I am today.

I can have an opinion on the sheer stupidity of the fact a news team thought it was important to state a study found that by drinking milk, you are less likely to die.

And I am so thankful that I can.

A Non-Dan Related Post

srsly. because I have to call him today from a city bus, and discuss the blog. which will be very weird. and possibly annoying to everyone around me.

Ok,I AM SEEING stephanie meyer TONIGHT!!!!!

Wow, another really short, crap post. SO SORRY. I just need to get to the end of all this.... Uh.... Well, you know.

I'll update for real with something that has nothing to do with me. Like the Zach Sunderland post, or whatever. That was an amazing peoce of writing on my part.


Sorry!
Jess

You know...

What rocks? : I just had a 2+ hour conversation with Charlie. Which was AWESOME!

What doesn't? : I am sitting here, like a worried puppy waiting for thier new owner to let them out of the crate the first night, for Dan to finish reading my blog. SO i'm setting myself up for the possible (more likely eventual) let down. But at the same time... I don't know, I'm getting ahead of myself. And overthinking everything. Oh dear.

Real post tomorrow. Promise.

Gee wiz, another post!

I have like, 40 minutes before I head for the horse place, so I have NOTHING to do but post blogs.

Here is some things that annoy me:

When people ask "why" over, and over and OVER.
People who dress up their dogs.
People who really, REALLY don't get my sarcasm.
People who get my sarcasm, and then laugh REALLY hard.
People who are funny, but think they aren't.

Well, that had no point. Sorry about that.

I am going to be so unbeleivably tired tonight

Because firstly, I have volunteering, which means I have to run in circles with the horse I haven't worked with for weeks, which means i'll most likely get bitten. funnn.

and then, i have to speed home, take ANOTHER shower, and go ice skating with some friends. URGH, i am going to be exhausted.

I might update later. Who knows?

Lets talk about this amazing guy at J-Camp.

And how epicly amazing he was.

A quick explanation: I am joining my school paper staff next year (only sophomore.) and so I went to journalism camp, where you learn the tricks of the trade, bond with your staff and meet amazing people.

That's what I've been saying, "I met amazing people." But what I'm really saying is "I met an amazing person, but I don't want to sound creepy (though I am Deputy Creepy, so I'll just add in some of the people who I never really connected with when I'm gushing about this amazing person.)."

Anyone who is new and has read back a bit, and anyone who is old, and has read everything, this in NOT another cowboy. We are much closer in age, and can have a conversation throughout an entire quiet work period without getting shushed. I've been saying things like "we clicked." But it was more like I clicked with him, and he played along. Which was all I could ask for and more. We ended up exchanging information at the end of camp, and texted back and forth a few times. But I've also been saying "There is a 75-90% chance nothing will ever happen between us." Which would usually crush me, depress me and really just trow me down the hill of pain into the river of woe. BUT. I have a new, positive mindset that I picked up at J-camp, and I am now perfectly happy about my life, and just about everything in it. (Except of course for the fact that my self-proclaimed 'lover' and i will never amount to anything than occasional email buddies. That hurts, but I'll live. I've had worse.) But a last word on Dan. Yes, I'm using an actual name this time. It just feels important enough. He called me cute. Now, many girls would be like "Oh, gee, thanks. *eye roll*" But I don't get that kind of stuff. Ever. And the best thing was that it was so casual I am still wondering if it was a slip up on his part. HE might not even remember it.

After obsessing over another guy's hair for an entire day (he MUST use conditioner) Dan said at one point, "Someone should tell him cute girls like his hair." And inside, I think I felt my heart attempt to rip itself from my chest to find it's way into his possession. And although he did get a significant part, I couldn't give it all away. Not when chances are so slim. Not when there is so much of a chance things won't happen. I wouldn't want to return to that sad, shell of a person I become when that kind of thing happens.

And I write all this in hopes that he reads it. Which is strange, and slightly scary. Because it's a bit like handing the love of your sad little high school life your diary, filled by the play-by-play of your adoration for him, and then standing there while he reads it, watching his eyes grow wider and wider in horror, until he shoves it back into your heartbroken arms and runs like an Olympic gold medalist. But really, I want him to know that however short, and seemingly childish and sarcastic our relationship was, it meant a lot to me. Which is truly a sad little school-girl thing to say, but it's the truth. And though I tell myself repeatedly to stop imagining what could be, or could have been, it always happens. Somewhere, my brain is thinking "but this is what she really wants." And it is, but I can't start doing that again. I don't want to feel that way again. Ever. That sense of helplessness, and hopelessness. But I know I will, and if I can push it farther into the future when I'm more mentally stable, then so be it.

So if you read this Dan, you are amazing. I hope this whole thing lives up to my title, because you have to admit, it's a bit creepy. You are a fantastic, adorable, hilarious, breath-taking guy, and fabulously "fruity" and I was so lucky to get to experience that for the short time that I got to. Truly, I am. And that whole "It was a delight to meet you," thing was my way of not making things awkward and emotional, on my part, at least. So, just know that, I am always up for a few hours of telephone, no matter how dirty it is, or how many times Matt ends up in it. (Your staff/friends was/were amazing too, absolutely terrific.) I'm always just a phone call away.

And now to put the 'total creeper' cherry on top, I'm emailing him with the web address. Now, I must have an emotional death wish. Ah well.

The best to everyone. Sorry for my tantrum a while back, about no one reading. I have known that sad fact for a while, I guess I just realized it then. But I write for me now. Which is good.

Love,
jess

at camp

ubershortsorry.

at journalism camp. it rocks.


gotta go. more later. bye.

learning about InDesign. Total, complete magic.......

Home again.

I was going to fill you in on all the exciting things that happened on my trip.

But then i realized that no one reads this anymore. So why bother?